Well, I should learn the danger of expectations. Life rarely lives up to the expectations a romantic, sentimental girl can dream up. This Easter was no exception.
If you read my last post, you can see that Saturday was a blast. We had so much fun that day, and the fun continued into the evening. We went to the Saturday night service at church and my girls got to wear the beautiful dresses Grandma made for them. Two families joined us afterwards for food and more fun. The guys played Texas Hold 'Em and the girls sat in my living room and laughed until we were crying.
Saturday was fun, but the whole Easter experience this year was a letdown for me. I love Easter so much and wanted it to feel special, especially spiritually. The Saturday night service was just fine, but I had a hard time feeling connected, and it just felt wrong to be celebrating at night and not on Easter Sunday. It was quick and the music wasn't my style.
Sunday morning, Dad left on the airplane and my husband had to work, so Mom and I and the girls had a lazy day. I didn't even shower that day. I was grumpy and irritable and felt so guilty for not creating the right Easter environment. I worried that Mom would regret coming to our house and wish she was home. I didn't feel the joy that I usually do celebrating the Resurrection.
My kids were perfectly happy playing outside in the dirt, but there is a neighborhood church that backs up to our property and I could see the kids getting out of their cars in their Easter clothes. I felt like the neighborhood HEATHENS!
I finally gave up and had a good prayer time and God started pointing out to me how all of the problems were about feelings and expectations. I wanted everything to feel right. I wanted to be in a celebratory mood, but I just wasn't. I also felt responsible for making everyone else feel something special. I'm the mom, right? It's my job, right?
In my prayer time, I started to realize that the miracle of the Resurrection is still just as miraculous even if I didn't feel it this year. The gift of salvation is still mine, not because of good feelings, but because it is fact, and I've accepted it by faith. Truth is solid, unchanging, and not dependent on emotion. Emotion is unpredictable, and deceptive.
So, the holiday traditions may have fallen flat this year. Oh well! I can have the joy of the Resurrection any time I want it. The same truth will be true forever. The grave didn't hold Jesus. The grave won't hold me either because I'm His! What a miracle!
The funny thing is I'm actually feeling it today. Guess I'm just a day behind. : )
I hope that this truly was a joyful weekend for you all.
He is Risen Indeed!
Love,
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