Monday, August 24, 2009

I Was Afraid to Ask

From God's Word:

Click and Read
1 John 4:7-21

Key Verse:

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. - 1 John 4:16a (NIV)

I was afraid to ask.

In my personal Bible study I came across this prayer of King David's:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24 NIV))

I wanted to pray it myself. I wanted God to search my heart and let me know if there was "any offensive way in me" so I could fix it, but I was afraid of what the answer might be.

I've always been a pleaser, an achiever, and never one who took criticism well. But after four consecutive pregnancy losses, I was broken and ready to know why God was punishing me, why He had stopped loving me, and why He had abandoned me.

So, I steeled myself and waited for His answer. I waited for the list of all of my offenses to come, motivated to get to work on them. I was ready to make things right between us.

His answer shocked and humbled me. He spoke to my heart and told me this:

"Becky, do you want to know what is in your heart that offends me the most? That thing that hurts me to the core? It is that you have doubted my love for you. This is where I want you to start. Start by KNOWING I love you. Be assured of that fact and stop questioning my love for you. This will be the foundation I want to grow you from. The foundation of absolute assurance of my love for you."

Once again, I had waited for a laundry list of to-dos. Once again, He went straight for my heart.

Life would never make sense without that assurance. I would never have anything to offer this world without that assurance. Without complete confidence in God's love for me, I would be stuck. It truly was the place to start.

Personal Application:

Are you confident of God's love for you? Do you doubt it? Confess your doubt and ask Him to fill you with a fresh assurance of His love for you. Ask Him to help you "know' and "rely" on that love.


Thank You that You are love. It is Your very nature. Before I can share Your love with this hurting world, I need to be absolutely assured of Your love for me. Forgive me for doubting Your love for me. I know Jesus paid the ultimate price to demonstrate that love for us all. I will trust in Your unfailing love.

In Jesus' Name I pray,

More of God's Word:

1. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. - Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)


Jill Beran said...

Great words Becky! I have so been there myself and sometimes still am! But God keeps moving me in the right direction!!

Erin @ Closing Time said...

So true...thank you for sharing! Romans 8:38-39 are my favorite verses! said...

Thanks so much for sharing this with us. What a beautiful and encouraging reminder for us all!

Sally Jo said...

Thanks for the reminder babe! We all need it. Love, Mom

Mama Mimi (Dana) said...

You are not alone in this Becky. I have prayed the exact same prayer and He has answered it in the very same manner. Isn't our God wonderful.

Happy said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with everyone! Such true statements! His love for us is incredible, isn't it?

Muthering Heights said...

That is such a great reminder!