Monday, March 10, 2008

My Weekend at Wal-Mart

The On-Going Adventures of Becky the Super Mom:
There is just something about Wal-Mart on the weekend that brings out the ugly in me. : )
I heard a voice say, "Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to:
  1. Buy new shoes, sweat pants, and new socks for Princess #1, and bacon for family breakfast
  2. Fill the car with gas
  3. Cook family breakfast
  4. Eat family breakfast and enjoy it....because it is Saturday and it's tradition, right?
  5. Get family to Princess #1's AWANA games that are being held a half hour drive away.

You have 90 minutes to accomplish all of the above."

After the message self-destructed, off to Wal-Mart we went. : )

Here's what it looked like:

Me: Hurry girls

(Repeated at least one hundred times)

Me: You have to walk faster girls. You need to walk as fast as Mommy.

Me: (Glancing back to see both princesses half a mile away, one carrying the pound of bacon on top of her head) Don't put raw meat on top of your head!!!! Did I mention that we are in a hurry?

Me: Stop touching that!!! Just stand here and stay still and DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING! WE ARE IN A HURRY!!!

The check-out lady was looking at me with sympathy, but being the mind-reader that I am, I know the woman behind me in line was thinking, "Chill out mama. Those poor precious babies! How come you are being so mean?"

(Of course she could have been mentally going through her grocery list to make sure she didn't miss anything, but the Mommy guilt in me said otherwise.)

We made it home, had breakfast, filled the tank with gas, and miraculously made it to the AWANA games on time. But OH the stress and high blood pressure and guilt it took to get there!


I woke up on Sunday morning with a bad head cold and by afternoon, I was feeling ready to get out of the house. My husband needed to run to Wal-Mart and get some supplies to fix our girls' bikes. I asked if we could make it a family outing so I could get out. Princess #1 had a birthday party to go to later that afternoon, and I needed to buy a present anyway. (I know....I was already at Wal-Mart yesterday, why didn't I pick up one then? Good question.)

An hour and a half before the birthday party, we were finally ready to leave. King Charming offered to go alone and pick up the gift so I could have time to get Princess ready for her party. But, no, I suffered short-term insanity and insisted that I needed to get out of the house.

There I was again. In Wal-Mart. On a weekend. In a hurry. As we ran around the store trying to find the perfect gift, Princess #1 wasn't looking where she was going and stepped on the back of my flip flop and completely broke it!

I was hobbling around the store with only one shoe, until of course, Princess #2 stepped on the back of my other flip-flop and broke that one! I was in Wal-Mart. On a weekend. In a hurry and SHOELESS!

(Please don't ask why I was wearing flip-flops in Wal-Mart in Winter. King Charming already did and it is so beside the point.) : )

Before we left the store, King Charming asked me if I needed wrapping paper for the gift, and I said, "Oh, no, we have plenty of gift bags."

Guess what? With only 30 minutes remaining before the party, all of our gift bags were at least one inch too narrow for this gift to fit into and there was no wrapping paper in the house.

As I tried to use tissue paper to wrap the gift, two dispensers of Scotch tape ran out, leaving me gift-bagless, wrapping-paperless, and tapeless. At least I wasn't shoeless anymore. : )

My wonderful neighbor, Marisa, rescued me and we made it to the party in the nick of time.

This time I was able to laugh at myself, but I'm beginning to realize something. Unless I get it under control, procrastination is going to be the death of me, and I'm sure I'll be late to my own funeral. : )


Kimberly S said...

You're not the only one who hates Wal-Mart on the weekends! I do too, I started trying to shop there to be more fiscally responsible, but after three consecutive weeks of standing in a checkout line for about 20 minutes (I'm not exaggerating a bit!) I caved and went back to the far more expensive but more smoothly operated Fry's. Oh, and they seem to be the only ones who have a clue how to bag groceries in my canvas bags. Wal-Mart's round bagging station does NOT lend itself to canvas bags brought by the customers. (And after everyone's insistence that we "go green!")

Hilty Sprouts said...

Oh my! You make me laugh!

I have to sneak my occasional visits to Walmart because you-know-who HATES Walmart with a passion! But sometimes the prices are too good there for me to resist. Is it a sin to hide the walmart bags from my husband when I pull into the garage? ;0)

Angie said...

Oh are way too funny!!

I am a very loyal Wal-Mart shopper but I too hate that place on the weekends (especially when in a hurry). You really just need to know the right time to go. Early in the week (like Mon or Tues) and early in the morning. I've actaully gone on a Tuesday morning at like 9am and not had to wait in line at all!! I am glad that you went though and had a funny story to tell us.

Sean and Lisa said...

Becky thanks for the laugh! You are too funny!!

Brandi said...

OH MY!!! I HATE WalMart on the weekends! It almost always tests my patience level and lots of time my judgemental spirit too!


Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha ah aha aha ahahhahahahaha

Crystal said...

Funny, Funny!! That was a great post ans I could so identify with it : ) Espcially those " Hurry up, walk faster, keep up with Mommy. " moments. Thanks for your refreshing honesty : )

Crystal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Glad I could help! :)
I ended up at Walmart today around 1pm. Monday seems like a good day to go.. it was fairly quiet. If I had a money tree in the backyard, I would shop elsewhere...

PS. I was wearing flipflops yesterday too. :)

darlina said...

You are so funny!!! Thank you for sharing your wonderful story...I had a perfect visual of your day. It feels wonderful to know that it doesn't only happen to me.