Monday, January 31, 2011

What if I Stumble?

Not a Fun Trip to the Scale:   

Last week, I blogged about my recent success and how hopeful I felt about my ability to find lasting victory over my weight and food issues.  Almost immediately after pushing "Publish Post", however, I began to slide into a week of very little victory and much struggle.   

The January winter blues hit their climax, my husband started a new work shift that I was unhappy about, I went out of town for a women's retreat with lots of yummy treats, and that joyful event of every woman's month (an event I've seen Lysa label the "Princess Must Scream" syndrome) hit all at once.  I was tested to put into practice what I've been learning.

I didn't pass the test. 

I gained weight this week.

This is the point in the past when my perfectionism and "all or nothing" approach to everything would take over and start the whispers of "why try?"  

This is the point where traditionally I may not say it out loud or even put it into words for myself, but I would begin to quit.  I don't want to do that this time.  Because I'm learning I was made for more

But What if I Stumble?

I started to worry.  People are watching.  I've made my weight loss journey public again, and I've put a spiritual label on this effort.  Will I fail you, Lord? 

Lines from an old D.C. Talk song from the '90's ran through my head:
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?
And then I started thinking about other areas of my life- ministry, writing, speaking- where more fear creeps in and whispers, Will I fail you, Lord?

More lines from the song run through my head:

I hear You whispering my name [You say] My love for You will never change" [never change]
Then Jesus whispers more to my heart:
What if you stumble? What if you fail at this (or anything else)?  Then you'll grab my hand, I'll pick you up, and with my help you'll keep pressing on to win the prize that I'm calling you toward (Philippians 3:14).  You won't fail me because I am in the process of shaping you into my image, not the world's image, and I have promised you that I will finish the work I've started in you  (Philippians 1:6). 

So this week:
  • I'm learning to press on without fear. 
  • I'm remembering from the first webcast, "A setback is a setup for a comeback." 
  • I'm believing I am not defined by the numbers.  
This time is different, because this time I have a different end goal. 

Not skinniness
Not admiration
Not a number on the scale


"I was no longer defined by a number on the scale, because my weight loss goal was peace." - Lysa TerKeurst, Made to Crave Chapter 7.   

Tonight's webcast will be at 8 PM (EST).  You can watch it from the
Made to Crave website or  It will re-air several times on Tuesday if you miss it tonight.  Don't forget to adjust for your time zone. 




Nichole said...

GREAT post! You put it all so well. Congratulations for not giving up! I am an "all or nothing" type of gal, too. I will come back to this post when I have a set back. Thanks for the encouragement.

Chelsea said...

Beautifully expressed Becky! Your "failure" is glorifying God, reminding us all how capable and big and caring He is. I'm so blessed by your transparent heart. What many tuck away and hide with deceit and withdrawal, you bravely put forth for the world to see and we all breath a sigh of relief realizing we're not the only one. I'm not alone in this difficult human experience. Bless you Becky.

Crystal said...

Today on my health journey, I consumed a burrito from the taco wagon... following I was severely upset and blamed Chad for it. (Since he was the driver :) ) I came home after a 50% effort workout, angry at myself I avoided laundry and jumped on my computer. "What's going on in Becky's life?" THE SAME STRUGGLES I FIND IN MY OWN!! Oh, you have no idea how badly I needed to read this today Becky. Thank God! He knew I was struggling and pointed me to the right blog site for help. How is it that he always knows? :)