Saturday, June 13, 2009

Fish-i-cide

There is something

so OFFENSIVE,
so HORRIFIC,
so DESPAIRING about our home,
that fish would rather OFF THEMSELVES than be a part of our family.

Or so it would appear...

Two years ago, we attempted a tropical fish aquarium. It was a beautiful tank, and we filled it with brightly colored fish. Each of us chose a fish to name. It was all great until Cleo turned into a bully and terrorized the other fish. She killed them one by one until only Lola the Shark remained.

Poor Lola! Cleo would chase her constantly, unmercifully, nipping at her, and taking chunks out of her body. Soon, it was too much for Lola to endure, so she JUMPED OUT OF THE TANK!

I'm serious. We found her flopping around on the ground. She found a small opening at the top of the aquarium and decided anything was better than living with Cleo.

I quickly threw her back in the tank, and she survived. Two days later, we were recalling the tale to friends, and we all looked in the tank. Where was Lola? We searched and searched until we concluded she was not in there! Finally, I pulled out the cabinet the aquarium was sitting on, and there was dried up, shriveled up, Lola. Once again, she'd managed to attempt FISH-I-CIDE. This time she was successful!

We gave up. Put Cleo and the tank on Craigslist and vowed to never own fish again.

Then yesterday, my girls said, "Guess what, Mommy? Our neighbors are going on a month and a half long vacation, and they chose US to fishsit David for them!!! Isn't that wonderful?"

No! That is not wonderful. Fish are not safe in this house!!!! Surely, our neighbors would ask me first. Right? They wouldn't expect us to take care of their fish without talking to the parents first. Right? Wrong!

Yesterday afternoon, I pulled my minivan into the garage, and there standing on our front walk was the dad, his two girls, and the fishbowl with David in it.

"You don't mind fishsitting do you?" He sheepishly asked. "We're leaving today."

I stumbled around, told him we had vacation plans of our own, but he assured me the girls would be gone for the month and a half, but he'd be back by Thursday.

I agreed, thinking, "How much could go wrong with one hearty little Beta fish in one week?" They skipped off, and I juggled baby, fishbowl, calendar, and fish food into the house, sure I was going to drop David before he even made it into the house.

When my girls got home, they were THRILLED to say the very least. A pet all their own! In their very own bedroom! To love for one whole week!

David spent the night here last night, and then this morning, Oldest Princess came down the stairs very worried. "Mama, I can't see David in his fishbowl anywhere."

I brushed her off, but she was insistent, so I went upstairs to investigate. Sure enough, I could not see that fish ANYWHERE in that bowl.

"Um, maybe he is sleeping inside of that shell or something," I said, unconvincingly. Where the heck could he have gone???

Fifteen minutes later, Oldest Princess went upstairs, grabbed a shirt off her floor to put on, and then started screaming bloody murder. "It's David!!! He's in my shirt!!!!"

The almost dead, quickly drying out, David JUMPED OUT OF THE FISH BOWL ONTO HER FLOOR AND GOT TANGLED UP IN HER T-SHIRT!!!!

What are the odds of two fish committing fish-i-cide in one home???

I plopped him back in his bowl and he started swimming. Please, Oh, please DO NOT DIE DAVID!!!"

I have no idea how we are going to keep David from jumping out again before this week is up. Please pray that David- and me- survive this week.

11 comments:

Mom said...

That's amazing. Maybe you shouldn't get Karissa that dog after all. (just kidding) Mom

Hilty Sprouts! said...

Oh no! The horror!
I will be deep in intercessory prayer for David the fish!

Rachel B said...

Becky, you are soooo crackin' me up right now! :) However, I know that fish-i-cide is no laughing matter. I remember having fish do this when I was a kid. I still have dreams about having these fish that jump out of the tank and die. Guess it scarred me for life. lol

I'll say a little prayer for David the fish...and that your hair won't be gray from all the worry by the time your neighbors get back. :)

Anonymous said...

prayer is always good ... even in regard to fish committing suicide! However ... a bit of common sense might help as well ... try cheese cloth and a rubber band or string!...rofl ... I loved the blog, Bops ... still laughing ... just can't resist being your practical dad.
(you need to consider writing home spun comedy in another book) Dad

The Jernigan Family said...

we had a dog commit doggyside by pulling a kimchee jar over his head...lol...I have NEVER heard of a fish jumping out of a bowl, let alone 2. Maybe your house is so accomodating that he wants to join the fun. Good luck and let us know how it goes. A.t least beta are easy to replace and fool

Kinslee said...

My sister had a fish commit fish-o-cide. It was in fact a beta....I hope that David survives the week.

Daiquiri said...

Oh NO! You have to be kidding! Is there some strange magnetic field at your house, or what?

Heidi said...

Dan and I are sitting here laughing so hard!!! Betas' are really tough fish. Let us know how the week goes with David! Dan says you need a Goliath fish to keep David in line! Thanks for the comedy!

Em said...

Maybe you need to go to the pet store and make sure you have a back up david just in case lol. fish have never done well for me either, except one time chad and I got one of those stupid fair goldfish, and it did better then any of them!

Angie said...

Chad had fish a lot when we were growing up. Maybe you remember his 45 gallon tank in his room? There was this one kind that he had (tin foils) that always jumped out. He started keeping a shoe on the lid so they couldn't pop it open. We also had one of our fish (silver dollar) jump out and commit fish-o-cide when we had our tank. I agree with the cheese cloth and rubberband idea. I'm sure that would work.

Good Luck!

Katy said...

Cracking up right now! Good luck, no advice from me, I would probably have the same problem! I agree with your Dad about the next book though!