Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Decisions, Decisions

I'm still a little in awe of the fact that I'm going to the She Speaks Conference in North Carolina at the end of July. Winning that scholarship was such an amazing gift. It is impossible to explain how much it means to me.

Now, I'm trying to prepare for the conference and that involves many decisions. My family will confirm that I am NOT known for my decisiveness. : )

I want all of this to be an exercise of me trusting God and not being stressed out. Insecurity and nerves creep in, but I just keep remembering how much all of this has been out of my control from the beginning. When I re-read my book, I remember how God gave me every word of it and healed me in such a miraculous way. When I think about the mere fact that I'm even going to this conference, I'm reminded that worrying is silly. I wouldn't be going at all if He hadn't made a way for me to be there.

So, I'm waiting on Him for direction about these things:

First, I need to decide which editors I want to meet with while I'm there. It feels so good to have the book finished, but I have no idea how to go about the publishing process. And even less of an idea of how to narrow down the long list of editors and agents to know which ones God has planned. The conference is so full, it is possible that I will only be able to meet with one while I'm there. I keep asking Him, "Who do you have me flying across the country to meet with?"

I am trusting that I can't get it wrong, but I still need to make that phone call. What do I do? Cast lots? Draw names? Go with a gut feeling?

I'm supposed to choose two and then provide an alternate. I do feel drawn to two names on the list and am beginning to believe I need to just follow that instinct, but I'm torn between two names for my alternate choice.

There are other decisions to make. I was hoping you all might be able to help me with these. I will be participating in a speaker evaluation group while I'm there. On Friday night, I'll share a three-minute testimony in front of peers and then later in the weekend, I'll be doing a five-minute presentation for evaluators who will give me feedback. I need to decide which topic and Scripture I will be speaking about. I've got some fuzzy ideas, but thought I might use one of my devotions as a spring board. If you have time, would you look back over these and see if you have any favorites? I really want this to be a God-led thing and not a performance. He has been teaching me a lot lately, now I need to narrow it down to what He wants me to speak about in July.

Decisions, decisions. Oh joy! I'm so thankful I don't have to rely on my own wisdom for all of this.

As much as this rambling post probably makes you believe the opposite, I really am feeling peaceful about this. The fact that I have to make these decisions at all are reflective of great blessing. Thank you, Lord!

And thank you for your help and prayers!



Mama Mimi (Dana) said...

Becky you have such a heart for God that He will make sure that He is glorified through what you choose to use as a presentation. I can't imagine you ever being a performer when giving a testimony. He has big plans for you and will lead you right to the person He wants you to meet. I will look at your past posts and give you my opinion but remember this is between you and God and you don't want too much outside influence. It can get really loud and you need the still quiet voice of God. Love you Beck and I am so proud of you for what you are experiencing right now. Hope to see you soon.

Mom said...

It just shows that you are seeking Godly council and not just relying on your gut instinct.  Love, MomPS, I'll give my limited opinion later also.  Love, Mom

Shanda said...

I'm so excited for you! I thought of you and several others last night and prayed for your experiences at She Speaks.

"Who do you have me flying across the country to meet with?"

The LORD... you get to go met with HIM!!!

Yes, you are going to meet with publishers, but don't forget to stop by the prayer room and seek the Lord 1st and foremost. I wish I could help you decide, but both of my experiences there, God led me only one step at a time and the majority of it was provided at the conference, no planning allowed!!! Trust me, I tried! Dependence on Him was so hard for me, but well worth it! Sounds like you are already on that journey, so this is just an encouragement to stick close to His side and don't get distracted by the opinions of everyone else. You can't make a wrong decision. God's bigger than that.

It's obvious that you are choosing His guidance so don't stress over the "rules" and "have to's" of the conference. He is Your provider and He will walk you through this whole journey, maybe not the way you'd like to see it happen, but He WILL provide.

I will be praying for you!!!

Becky Avella said...

Shanda, You are so right! When I went in 2007, that's exactly how it was for me. I thought I was going to have some big opportunity opened for me, and instead it was a retreat and an incredibly special time with the Lord. I'm looking forward to that again. I didn't go to the prayer room the first time, but won't miss it this time. Thanks for the reminder.

Kimberly said...

I'm still so excited for you that you were chosen! And I know God has purpose in you being chosen. He has a plan! :) So keep doing what you are doing...putting it in His hands. I can't wait to hear how it goes!!!


Rachel Beran said...

Becky, just wanted to tell you that although I don't have the time right now to read the devotions, I'm going to try to do that later on this evening.

It is so awesome to see how you are seeking His direction. You are doing the right thing...pray and then follow what God shows you. Don't over think it (I tend to do that too!!!), make a decision when you feel at peace about it; then stay in peace and leave it at that.

I'm so excited that you've been given this opportunity. God has a reason and a plan!