Friday, March 27, 2009

"She Speaks Conference" Contest Entry


I'll never forget the Women's Retreat I went to in May of 2005. I was Mom to two precious little girls, five months pregnant with our third baby, and full of dreams for the future.

The speaker spent a lot of time talking about dreams that weekend, and ended one session by sending us out for quiet time to ask God if He shared our dreams.

Finding a quiet spot by myself, I brainstormed a list of dreams, lifting them to Him, and asking Him if He shared those dreams with me. I wrote about 20 things and have forgotten most or them, but I can close my eyes and still three of them written out:

- I want a son
- I want to write a book someday
- I want to have an effective ministry

I said, "Amen", put the list in my Bible, excited about what God would do with those dreams, and finished up the retreat. I literally drove down from the mountain top to my own deepest valley.

Two days later, I went into my five month ultrasound appointment, excited to see the baby boy I'd asked God for. Instead, we saw a silent heartbeat. Our baby boy was gone. As readers of my blog, you know that three more miscarriages and two failed adoption attempts followed that loss.
This is what God decided to do with my dreams?

It wasn't an easy process, but four years later, I've seen Him do miraculous things. Great healing things. And He has taken my dreams and refined them, making them new, and promising me He will fulfill them in His way, and in His time. I now know that He does share my dreams. He's the one who gave them to me. I trust Him to bring them about in a way I can't imagine yet. His way will produce fruit and make that effective ministry I dream about. I'm still excited to see what He will do with my dreams.

He's already begun to bring the beauty out of the ashes:
-Today, I have a beautiful, healthy seven-month-old son.

-Today, I've written a book. It is not the novel I dreamt of writing. After my second miscarriage, I was in the shower and stepped out with an outline for a book on healing after pregnancy loss. I started writing it then, and continued writing it after the next two miscarriages. I didn't know how it would ever come together to be a whole book, but it did. The whole thing was a gift from God. Every word of it was something He gave me. I'd feel compelled to write, write it down, and then go months unable to write any more. Eventually, it was finished and God took all those pieces and made it a whole. Now I'm not sure what He wants to do with it. Was it just for me? Or does He have plans to use it to help other hurting women and families? I don't know.

- Today, I've been able to minister to women around me in a way I never could have without tasting hurt myself. He's opened doors through my church for writing and teaching, and I'm hoping for more open doors in the future.

One of the ways I'm trusting Him is with the timing of the rest. I'm content right now to be a mom and a housewife. I truly love what I do and where I'm at, and I don't want to be in a hurry to move forward. But I also long to be trained for women's ministry. I long to see my book helping others if it is meant to. I want so much to learn how to be an effective speaker and teacher.

I know I can learn those things at the "She Speaks Conference" put on by Proverbs 31 Ministries in Charlotte, NC. God did miraculous things to get me there two years ago. I learned more in that one weekend than I can ever put in words, and it inspired me to finish the book that was just an outline at the time. I really believe that I am supposed to go back there again someday. There was so much more to learn than I could fit into one weekend. I don't know if this is the year or not, but I know that if I'm right, if God wants me there again, He'll make a way. It will take another miracle from Him to get me there. : )

A cross-country airplane ticket, three days in a hotel, and the conference fees are definitely not in the budget. When I saw that Proverbs 31 Ministries was hosting a blog contest to win a scholarship to this year's conference, I knew I wanted to try, to put this in the Lord's hands again and wait and see what He is going to do. If I win the chance to go, I'll praise Him for the gift. If He says "no" or "not yet," I'm determined to wait for His timing, His open doors, and His equipping me for what He's got for me to do.

I've tried on my own to push open doors, or try to make things happen, and it has been the wrong timing. The people pleaser and achiever in me has had a hard lesson to learn of being at peace with where I'm at right now, not needing anyone's approval other than God's, and the patience to wait. He's changing me, teaching me, molding me, and I have sooooo far to go. I feel and see my inadequacies and sometimes I'm afraid, and amazed to think I could do any of this anyway. I'm so thankful that He'll make me ready for whatever He gives me to do. He'll provide the training and equipping I need. I'm hoping the She Speaks Conference is in those plans. : ) For the first time, though, I truly am content in the waiting. I'm not in a hurry. I was afraid to enter this contest and try to do things according to my timeline again, but I prayed a lot about it, and waited to the last possible moment to enter, but I felt like I had God's OK to try.

If you have an opportunity to go to this conference, I can not encourage you enough to take that opportunity. It was a life changing weekend, and I'm so excited to go back!

Thank you to the judges from P31 who stopped by my blog and considered me for this scholarship. Your ministry inspires me so much.

Love,

Thank you to everyone who is stopping by to congratulate me. It means so much to me. I just wrote about winning here. You are all in my prayers. I hope I get to meet you this summer. : )

28 comments:

Tracy Alicia Vinson said...

Becky,

You just simply MUST go to the She Speaks Conference and you just simply MUST meet my ministry partner, Tracy Jenks. She, too, is being led to write a book and our last prayer partner meeting she went into detail with me what God has penned on her paper. Incredible! Absolutely, Incredible! It is coming to her as she surrenders.

She has also registered for the scholarship contest so you can visit her, her blog, and her story. She is number 30 I think, somewhere around there.

I just KNOW that all of us that God is working with will make a way. I can't wait to hear about all the miracles God does over the next couple of months to arrange our meeting!

Love your post!

Bless her with Double-Portion Blessings!!!!

Missy said...

Hi Becky,
Don't know if you frequent many of the Liberian blogs anymore ( I know I certainly don't like I used to ) but I wanted to share Robin White's recent loss with you in case you hadn't seen it yet because I know you might have an encouraging word for her.

http://campbellshope.blogspot.com/

Hope you all had a great spring break.

Love,
Missy

Lori said...

I am so encouraged by what you have gone through. I am currently going through it. I have had 2 miscarriages so far and its hard. I am learning that I have no control but God is in control. I am also learning to wait on his timing for everything, including a baby. Thanks for the inspiring post.

Rae said...

Oooooh! You might be in NC! Charlotte is 4 hours from us, but...... :)
Love you,
R

Hilty Sprouts! said...

I hope you win! :)

Lindsey @ A New Life said...

What a beautiful story and such a strong grasp on faith on God's direction. Praying for your dream and wishing you luck in the contest!

Jen - Balancing beauty and bedlam said...

yea - what a testimony of God's faithfulness!:)

megs @ whadusay said...

Hi Becky -
Taking a little time to read the winning entries for the She Speaks conference. Yours blessed me today. I am so excited for this opportunity for you (even though I don't know you). What a gift!

I had the priveledge of going to She Speaks last year - it was an amazing weekend. Like you, I hope I get the opportunity to go again someday.

Thanks for sharing your heart in this post - like I said earlier, it really blessed me.

Have a great time at She Speaks this year and CONGRATS!!!

Megan

Lindsey @ A New Life said...

Congratulations sweet girl! So glad you won!

Cindy said...

Becky,
Congratulations. What an awesome testimony. Thanks for sharing your story! Have a great time at the conference.
Bless You!!

Miss Sandy said...

Congratulations on being chosen to attend She Speaks! May God greatly bless your ministry as He grows you through this experience.

Rachael said...

I just saw that you won She Speaks and came over to check out your blog! I love it!! Congratulations and by the way, you have yourself a new follower!! :o)

Wanda said...

Oh Becky!!!!
God is so good! You're one blessed girl! I'm so happy for you!
Have fun at SheSpeaks. YAY!

Lauren said...

Congratulations, Becky!

Amy Bayliss said...

Becky,
What an amazing story! God's hand is clearly evident in your life. Congratulations on the scholarship to She Speaks! I'll see you there!

Mary said...

I came over to meet the winners of She Speaks contest and I'm thrilled you won. God's timing is sometimes so difficult and I can just see His hand on your life.
I hope I make to She Speaks -- and if I do I want to meet you.

Shelly W said...

Congratulations! What a wonderful and deserving entry. I hope to meet you there this summer!!

Megan@SortaCrunchy said...

What a beautiful entry. Congrats on the scholarship! I know you must be thrilled!

Tracy Alicia Vinson said...

Yah!Yah!Yah!

I KNEW you should be there!!! Will continue to pray for you until your feet approach the check-in desk!!!!

Sooooo happy for you!!!!!!!

Lots of love and double-portion blessings!!!!

Jenn said...

I came to visit your blog after seeing you won. It really blessed me. I just recently experienced an unexpected miscarriage after having two healthy girls. So many people have reassured me promising more healthy kids. But, I know that will only happen if it is in the Lord's plans. We have always known we wanted to adopt, but our plan was to pursue this dream after we were finished having biological children. I am trying to surrender the future of our family and be open to whatever the Lord has for us. I wish your book was published. I would love to read it!

Kimberly said...

Congratulations!

I hardly even know what to say after reading all that you have walked through. But I praise God that you have a life and heart surrendered to Him and that you are so willing to be used by Him!

May He abundantly bless you as you continue to pursue Him!!! And congratulations again! I am so excited for you! God is so sweet, providing for 3 scholarships!!!
Blessings,
Kimberly

Cindy-Still His Girl said...

Congrats! Praying that the conference is a huge blessing to you the way I'm SURE you've been a blessing to others.

The little old mom who lived in a shoe said...

I just wanted to say congratulations on the scholarship and am looking forward to reading your book. :)

On Purpose said...

Becky thank you for your committed heart to God. You are committed to live in relationship with Him and allow Him to use you to lead others to His heart...and You have an AMAZING ministry girl! You are a beautiful woman of God! Congrats on the scholarship...enjoy every second of the weekend...you deserve to go and be loved on by our great and mighty God!

Tracy said...

Becky,

I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't writing. So many things you mentioned,I also have felt and done. I hope I get to meet you at the conference!

Congratulations, and Whooo Hoooo!

With much love,
Tracy Jenks

Joy in The Truth said...

CONGRATULATIONS! DOING THE HAPPY DANCE FOR YOU! SO EXCITING!

So excited for the winners! :) Rejoicing with and for you!
You will be SO BLESSED at She Speaks! You will love the P31 gals! And the best thing...they teach by word and example that before She Speaks, first She Listens...to Him! :)

Can't wait to hear about all God does in your hearts for His glory and purposes at She Speaks! We will be following you and praying for you!

Sharon

Renee Swope said...

Becky, Congratulations!!! I can't wait to meet you at She Speaks. I absolutely love your story. It captivates my heart and soul. And it's because I can relate to so many things you shared. One of my favorite songs is about the dreams God has for us. I know this will make my comment really long but I just have to share the lyrics with you...

Avalon
Dreams I Dream for You

You taste the tears
You're lost in sorrow
You see your yesterdays
I see tomorrow
You see the darkness
I see the spark
You know your failures
But I know your heart
(Chorus:)
The dreams I dream for you
Are deeper than the ones
you're clinging to
More precious than the
finest things you knew
And truer than the
treasures you pursue
Let the old dreams die
Like stars that fade from view
Then take the cup I offer
And drink deeply of
The dreams I dream for you
You see your shame
But I see your glory
You've read one page
I know the story
I hold a vision
That you'll become
As you grow into the truth
As you learn to walk in love
(Chorus)
Let the old dreams die
Like stars that fade from view
Then take the cup I offer
And drink deeply of
The dreams I dream for you

Praying God will provide in amazing ways your expenses to get here, too!

Blessings,
Renee

Rachel B said...

Becky,

I am so excited for you! God is good and works in such incredible ways! After reading your entry I can see why the judges picked you to win!!!

I pray that you WILL get the opportunity to share your book with the world. I had a miscarriage myself back in Septemeber. In fact, I posted a blog about it just a few days ago on March 31st which would have been my due date had my pregnancy gone to completion. So many people minimize the loss of miscarriage. It is such a difficult time as you go through the series of emotions involved. I don't know what I would have done without the Lord! Like you, I've found myself so much more sensitive to the loss (and other pain also) of others. It has opened doors for ministry that I might have missed before.

Anyway, just wanted to drop you a line to say CONGRATS. Sorry I went on and on. Your post just touched me so much! Eager to see where God leads you next.

Glad you're going to She Speaks!