Monday, January 26, 2009

Closing a Chapter in my Life- The Adoption Journey Ends

I had to write a tough email today. I sent an email to Acres of Hope informing them of our decision to stop our adoption process. In the email I asked them to move us to inactive status.

The decision to stop the process has been made for awhile, but I could not bring myself to accept the finality of it. I procrastinated making it final with AOH, and I have been procrastinating making this announcement on here.

Earlier this month, we reached the two year mark of trying to adopt from Liberia. I was so hopeful and excited when we began the journey. I couldn't wait to get our little boy home to us. Many of you reading this have been following our adoption process from the beginning. We have met obstacle after obstacle along the way, and lost two referrals for two little boys who will forever be my spiritual sons. I just kept pushing on, though, thinking we would get there someday. Then more obstacles have come up recently- we missed immigration deadlines, our homestudy update couldn't be completed before our I-600A approval expired. So many doors have shut, but I kept wanting to keep going.

People who have adopted kept telling me, "Obstacles are a part of this process. You have to keep pushing forward to get to the blessing. Don't give up!" But family members gave up a long time ago, some believing it never was God's will for us to adopt and all of the closed doors and obstacles were His way of saying no. One friend felt it was crystal clear to her what the decision needed to be, but nothing was clear to me.

I was so confused. God loves orphans. It is clear in the Bible that His will is for us to take care of them. We wanted to and we tried to, so why didn't He let us. All of this shook my faith a little. Maybe I never really heard His voice. Maybe I made this all up. Maybe as it has been suggested, I only wanted to adopt to fill the void of the losses of my biological babies.

It was only after I finally realized that my husband was ready to move on with our life, that this had become about Becky trying to make something happen, that I knew I needed to give up. Adoption can not be something that only one parent wants to do.

I also realized that part of my motivation to continue included proving the naysayers wrong. I wanted to show them that I did hear God's voice. He did tell us to do this. I did witness those miracles that got us on this journey in the first place. I didn't do this to fill a void. I did this because I was being obedient and sincerely had a desire to adopt. Both of us did. Throughout this process, Pat and I have talked a lot about how we knew we were in God's will. The journey WAS God's will for our family. The destination just ended up in a place so different than I expected. We always said we knew we were on the right road, we just didn't know where that road would end.

So, as strange as it is. As much as it is beyond my understanding. God's will is now for us to no longer try to adopt a child from Liberia. I don't understand, but I do trust.

I just can't say enough how much I have valued and been grateful for the love and prayers that have covered our adoption journey. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for supporting us through it all.

All my life I have wanted to have children. I looked forward to it. Planned for it. And now we've decided that we are finished building our family. It is time to just BE a family. It is such an odd place to be. It's the closing of one chapter of my life and the opening of a new one.

I can say without hesitation that I am so very, very, very grateful for the three precious kids God has blessed us with. All three are my miracles.



19 comments:

Mrs. MK said...

I sympathize with all your feelings!! So often the journey and it's lessons are God's will for us, not the final destination that we had planned. God be with you as you move on to writing this next chapter in your life!!

All 8 of Us said...

Dear Becky,
I just stumbled back upon your blog...thanks for your honesty/transparency in sharing the path God has you on.I'm sure it is challenging to close this chapter of the book...but the plot goes on and you never know what the Lord may have for your family down the road.
Enjoy those 3 kiddos!!
Blessings,
kathi(aoh mom to 2 Liberians and 4 homegrown kiddo)

Hilty Sprouts! said...

Love you Beck. I know that was hard.

Jen

Mom said...

You never know Beck. You may stop trying to make it happen, but if God wants you to adopt, you could still end up with 10 kids.

Michelle said...

Oh Becky, I've been thinking about you so much lately and wondering about your adoption plans. I'm so glad that the Lord has given you an answer, probably not the answer you had hoped for, but God is good and will honor your obedience to him.

We are still trudging on. The door is still open for us though it does seem to be dangling on one hinge. Please keep us in your prayers as we wait and seek the Lord's will for our family. Thanks. Michelle

Anonymous said...

I know this was a tough post for you. Sending a hug up the hill.

Marisa

Lisa said...

My heart has too felt the pain of the death of a dream. For me it was through infertility followed by a failed adpotion. Each step of the process, each step of the way has made me into the woman of faith that I am today. When I least expected it, God gave us a son in a miraculous way - through adoption - from an agency we had never contacted. Within 60 days he was born and in our home. "Not now" from God is not a no. Just keep loving Him. Keep trusting Him. Let Him love on you now.
Blessings - Lisa

Annee said...

I know I have never met you IRL. But my eyes got teary as I read this. I know it has been a difficult road for you. Your family has been in my prayer many times over the last two years. God bless you as you seek all that the Lord has for you.

Em said...

Love you Beck! I can't tell you what God has planned for ya, but I can say I think it's awesome that you have accepted that you may be done having kids, but not closed the door to the possibility of maybe having more in the future. It's got to be difficult, but I think that maybe it makes it easier to accept whatever God's will may be. I love you guys and will continue to pray for you always!

Daughter of the King said...

Becky,

Even though I haven't seen you in a long time, I do catch up with your family through Jennifer's blog. I know it was a tough decision to stop the adoption process, and I don't doubt that you and Pat were obeying the Lord in even beginning this process. For one thing there are two boys who are being prayed for by a family across the ocean. I just wanted to say I'm sorry.

MeDenne

Shanda said...

"The journey WAS God's will for our family. The destination just ended up in a place so different than I expected. We always said we knew we were on the right road, we just didn't know where that road would end."

Remember this! The only thing God asks of you is to respond to His each and every call to you... NOT to know the whole picture and NOT to provide a sensible/reasonable answer to those around you. If God fit in a box, He wouldn't be God. That's what makes Him so amazing, and yet I appreciate your openness and honesty that you were willing to share. We are still human and it's tough to sort out all the head and heart things stirring within us. Continue to say "Yes, Lord" and trust Him with all your heart. Be blessed today!

Anonymous said...

Becky,
It is easy to tell how much prayer and thought has gone into this very difficult decision. As we think with our lost referrals, maybe God's will was for those boys to have your prayers at those moments He brings them to mind. You have been so faithful through all the ups and downs of this process- and what a little blessing you were granted that didn't require any paperwork :) It was very kind of God to give you your precious son during a time you were looking in a totally different direction for His plan. We can look at our adoption process and see how it went through a couple different phases before our son made it to us, so you never know how God may bring a child into your life down the line. It has been a joy to watch your obedience to God during this process.

Maralee

HandsRaisedToHeaven said...

Your faith and willingness to obey God despite the outcome, is an encouragement to me. Thanks for your honesty and openness. Praying that you enjoy your precious children and the new chapter of life that you are embarking on. Many blessings.
Jenny

Anonymous said...

I too have followed your difficult adoption journey for a while. May God continue to bless and lead you in whatever paths he has for you.

Carolyn

Carey said...

Becky,
We can't see God's big picture. So enjoy your family right now and let Him take care of the future. I'm sure the hole process has opened your eyes to ways of helping orphans around the world. Praying for the "least of these" is an important job.

I was also a mom who was done having children for six years when God pushed me to adopt. But either way His will be done.

Carey
mom to Peter from Liberia

From Five to Eight said...

Becky,
I've read your blog for about 2 years now. (I think we started about the same time with AOH) You are a sweet, sweet lady obeying God. I have no question you weren't doing what God was telling you to do. I thought of you today when I heard Ginny Owens song on the radio (called If You Want Me To) That's you :) Ready to obey...willing to lay down your desires. Praying for you as you let go...
Teresa

LifeAtTheCircus said...

I too felt so heavy with sadness for you as I can only imagine the pain you went through as you typed those words. Your love and obedience for our Lord is so awesome to witness. You and your blog are such a light for Him!
I don't know if you've read over on my blog, but I shared about a month ago that my husband and I are in a place where we are trying to decide if we are done at three or if we want to grow our family to four. It is so hard to decide. Though I know God ultimatly is the one in charge of that decision. We began exploring adoption more seriously this winter and think that if we want a fourth, that is the route we would want to go. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you to go down that road and have it end this way. I totally think you were right to go down it. I think it is great that you are willing to follow where you feel the Lord is leading you. And you are right a closed door at the end of the path does not mean that God didn't want you to go down that path.
Praying that you feel God's grace, mercy, peace and strength as you enjoy your three beautiful children and your loving husband. Thank you for being so open and honest in your blog. I know I don't comment all the time, but I do have you on google reader and I truly enjoy reading about your and your life.

Anonymous said...

Becky,

GOD IS AMAZING!!! I know with all my heart God led me to your blog! I don't know you but I was lured by you stating you live in Idaho...I loved living in Idaho! I moved to NC from Boise, ID 2 1/2 years ago. We thought we moved out here for my husbands job but we now know God had plans for us. In the beginning, I was absolutely heart broken! I had to leave my then 18 yo daughter, 21 yo son, daughter-in-law and 2 yo granddaughter. At the time, I really enjoyed my life...we had 3 grown kids (1 in ID, 1 in MI, 1 in PA), 2 granddaughters (1 in ID, 1 in MI), 18 yo daughter at home, along with our 7 yo son and the many foster children we loved. To shorten my story, one of the birth mothers of 2 little girls we had previously fostered called us and asked us to adopt her precious babies! We just celebrated 1 year of them coming into our family on Jan 18th! Our little girls, Hannah Rose and Sarah Joy are now 3 1/2 and 2 1/2 years old. We had been hoping and praying God would bring their baby sister to us also...and like you, I had to let go a couple of days ago. I don't understand all of this BUT I do know God's plans and timing are best! We are continuing to pray and seek God's guidance. We do have a HUGE PRAISE...our daughter's birthmother has given her life to the Lord recently and begun attending a Christian church there in Idaho! We are SO absolutely excited for her and her new beginning and adventure with the Lord! During the time we were fostering her babies, we became more like a mentor to her and it is absolutely amazing to see the miracles God is doing! We do have a prayer request...right before this young lady committed her life to the Lord, she became pregnant again with her 4th child. Previous to that she was diagnosed with a brain tumor which they treated with radiation. At the time, (again, long story short) due to the circumstances decided to postpone surgery. The baby is due in May and so nothing can really be done til after that time. The Drs believe the tumor is doing something because her right side is going numb so they're doing some tests today (Friday, 1/30). We really don't know God's plans but we know He's at work. My husband and I both believe God is bringing this baby to us but we do not understand any of the details. Will you please keep all of us in prayer as God unveils His plans. I will also pray for you as you process thru this difficult season of letting go as I am also experiencing. I can relate to a lot of your emotions as you honestly and openly shared. Thank you for your transparency! May you enjoy every minute with your husband and your miracle blessings!!! Love, Kim kcschoonover@hotmail.com

Missy said...

I can relate to so many of the things you said here that I don't know where to start. So maybe, I'll just leave it at a simple, "I understand". You are in an exciting place and I will tell you that's exactly where I was 9 years ago after we had Sammy and now we have Levi, so your mom is right when she says, "you never know".

I recently let go of my hopes of adopting again too and this is a little excerpt from a book that I love "Hinds Feet on High Places" that really spoke to me:

But the High Places of victory and union with Christ cannot be reached by any mental reckoning of self to be dead to sin, or by seeking to devise some way or discipline by which the will can be crucified. The only way is by learning to accept, day by day, the actual conditions and tests permitted by God, by a continually repeated laying down of our own will and accptance of His as it is presented to us in the form of the people with whom we have to live and work, and in the things that happen to us. ~ Hannah Hurnard

And as far as the naysayers go...you have nothing to prove to them....poo on them.