Speaker Bio Sheet Complete...Check

I'm feeling so much better today! Thank you for your words of encouragement and love.

I just finished creating my speaker bio sheet tonight. It was one of those things that was hanging over my head, and it felt so good to finish something tangible after the conference. I'm ready to take a giant leap of faith now and step out toward something that has been growing in my heart for years. My first speaking event is on the calendar, and I'll be sending out the bio to local churches.

I feel inadequate and scared, but ready to point hearts to the One I love. It's all about Him anyway.

Goodnight!

I'll be drawing for the giveaway tomorrow morning when I get done cleaning my neglected kitchen. : ) There is still time to enter if you haven't already.

Love,

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Doors

Trying Hard Not to Panic

That was the title of my blog post on Tuesday.

You see, Saturday night while we were at Mom and Dad's, I decided to do a little finishing touches on my book proposal for the conference. As I researched for the "competition" section on my proposal, I made a startling discovery. Guess what I found.

The two editors I had made appointments to meet with, the two I'd prayed over so much, represented publishing companies that had just released their very own books on the topic of- you guessed it- miscarriage.

At that moment, I knew that I would be wasting their time pitching competition for books they had just published on the same subject.

There I was:

- 10 hours away from home
- Four days away from the conference
- Totally and completely prepared to pitch a book I now knew they would not want.

I did what any girl would do.

I cried.

A lot.

I spent the entire day Sunday mourning the loss of that particular expectation and dream. I had felt the weight so much of being a scholarship winner for the conference. I knew there were so many women who wanted the gift I was given, and I was determined not to waste it. So, I was so ready. I had handouts, sample chapters, a beautiful proposal, and then- nothing.

As I cried it out on Sunday, I learned something. I had wrapped up so much hope in getting that book published because I was counting on the book bringing meaning to our loss. God had to show me that the beauty He was and will continue to bring out of our hurt had nothing to do with me or my book.

He also showed me I was relying on myself. I wanted to be ready. I wanted to be prepared. I didn't leave any room for miracles, so He took away the crutches I was leaning on.

That night I made a crazy decision. I have a novel I've been working on, and I decided right then I was supposed to pitch that book instead. It wasn't ready though. So I didn't sleep for the next three days, worked all the way home in the car, spent hours on the telephone with my amazing dad editing what I did have, and then had to leave Thursday morning far less prepared then I would have ever wanted.

While we were in the air, my friend Rochelle handed me her devotion book she was reading. I read the devotion, overwhelmed and grateful that it was a message just for me. Here's an excerpt:

Streams in the Dessert

July 31 With skillful hands he led them - Psalm 78:72

When you are unsure which course to take, totally submit your own judgement to that of the Spirit of God, asking Him to shut every door except the right one. But meanwhile keep moving ahead and consider the absence of a direct indication from God to be the evidence of His will that your are on His path. And as you continue down the long road, you will find that He has gone before you, locking doors you otherwise would have been inclined to enter. Yet you can be sure that somewhere beyond the locked doors in one He has left unlocked. - F.B. Meyer

I knew God wrote that devotion just for Becky. You see every day this plays out in my house.

Prince Charming still has not figured out how to crawl right. (And he doesn't listen to his mommy either when I tell him he'll never be able to read because of it!) But man can he scoot! He's fast!

His sisters keep forgetting to close doors behind them, so when he sees an opportunity, he looks me in the eye and it is almost as if he says The race is on Mommy!

He scoots as fast as he can, trying to beat me to the bathroom door before I can close it in his face.

It dawned on me. How often do I do that with the Lord? How often do I try to race Him to a door before He closes it?

He's a loving parent, closing those doors I might be inclined to walk through but one day He's going to leave one open for me. It will be the "JUST RIGHT FOR BECKY" door and instead of just leaving it open for me, He'll come and lead me by the hand through it together.

Stripping away my security of being able to pitch the book I felt comfortable pitching opened doors for miracles. And those miracles happened all weekend long!

I just happened to run into just the right people to help bring me peace, to show me new ways of doing things, to encourage me and teach me, and I was able to present BOTH books to editors and other people who took my proposals and one sheets. Now I'm just waiting to see how God leads for the next step in writing and speaking.

I made friends that I'm so thankful for and spent time praying in the prayer room with a sweet lady named Charlotte who will never know how much God used her to touch me.

I felt so blessed and so loved by God. I wish I had the ability to explain it all, but it would be impossible.

Thank you, Lord for loving me. You are so good to me!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

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Problem Child

I have one of those personalities that you might title, "Rule Follower." Living in constant dread of getting in trouble, I try extra hard to follow the rules.

After a weekend of learning more than my heart and mind could contain, and doing it all on very, very little sleep, I was slightly loopy as I went through the Charlotte Airport on my way home. My airheadedness along with extra grumpy airport employees was NOT a good combination. : )

First was my trip through security.

My too big, overstuffed carry-on, held everyone behind me up. I had to dig out my laptop and open it, and I could feel the impatience radiating off tne people behind me.

Rushing through the metal detector, I almost ran into a mean looking man with his arms crossed.

"Ma'am step back through the metal detector!" He boomed at me.

I hopped back through as fast as I could.

"Your shoes!" He said with disdain, pointing at my feet. Red in the face, I slipped my shoes off quickly and threw them on the conveyor belt.

Just as I was going to step back through the detector, he yelled at me, "Where is your boarding pass?"

"Uh, it just went through the x-ray with my purse. Was I supposed to have that?" I asked, hoping a smile might melt him a little.

"I'VE ONLY BEEN TELLING YOU PEOPLE THAT FOR THE LAST 10 MINUTES!" He bellowed.

Everybody was looking at me by that point. I slinked over to the other TSA agent who was waiting to see the boarding pass I DARED to send through the x-ray machine. I could hear Mr. Grumpy Pants behind me yelling, "The next person who walks through here without their boarding pass is getting tossed in the fish bowl."

(Anybody know what the fishbowl is? I think I narrowly escaped it.)

There were other ladies from the conference there who started laughing at me for being such a trouble maker. I must have had a big red target painted on me, because my mistakes continued to bring out the mean in people all the way home.

Like the lady scanning my boarding pass as I walked on to the plane. When I handed her the pass, my giant carry-on fell over on the floor which I of course planned to pick up and wheel on to the plane with me, but she didn't give me a chance.

"PICK UP YOUR BAG MA'AM," She grouched at me. Not, "Oops, you dropped your bag." or "Could you pick up your bag please." Just Pick it up, you dummy.

By that time, I was really getting teased about being in trouble.

In the air, the flight attendant was wheeling the cart down the aisle passing out drinks and snacks. When she got to me, I asked for coffee and then she said, "You want snacks?"

Not, "Would you like a snack?" Just a tone like "Do you want a snack or what lady?"

I said, "Sure. What do you have?"

To this she stared at me like I had three heads, rolled her eyes, let out an exasperated sigh and said, "PEANUTS-PRETZELS-AND COOKIES!!!!!!!"

I humbly asked for the cookies as I heard her behind me saying, "I just get so sick of saying that over and over again, PEANUTS-PRETZELS-AND COOKIES!"

My luck continued from there. I was accused of trying to use the bathroom in the First Class Section which is not for peons like me. But I'm denying that. : )

And someone who looked like me may have forgotten to put her seat back in its upright position during landing. And that same person may have mistaken the male flight attendant for a woman. But I'm definitely denying that!

I was very happy to get home to my nice, friendly West. I'm not sure if they'll allow me back in the Charlotte Airport. I might have to drive next year. : )

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Unpacking My Heart

While I was at the conference this weekend, they invited the people there to visit the blogs of the scholarship winners and I PANICKED!

It was that same feeling of finding out company is coming over and you are desperate to clean up before they arrive. : )

I arrived home after my life changing weekend at 1:00 AM and didn't have time to do the "blog cleaning" I had hoped to do, but I wanted to say welcome to all of my new friends who are stopping by!

And I want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH to my faithful friends and readers who prayed for me while I was in North Carolina this weekend. I'm in awe of how much fun I had and how inspired I am walking away from the experience.

I think it will take months to unpack from my trip.

The clothes will go into the laundry right away and of course I’ll need my bathroom supplies and make-up so they won’t stay in the bag for long either. : )

But the “stuff” I’m bringing home in my heart and in my brain, I will be “unpacking” that for a very long time.

I’m absolutely exhausted, but more in love with Jesus than ever.

Saturday night on the elevator, I told the Lord, You go ahead and bring it on, but I’m beginning to wonder if I can take one more blessing or miracle this weekend. I just might explode with joy. : )

I don’t want to forget all of the ways Jesus showed me I wasn’t lost in this crowd of 600 amazing women. There were so many ways He let me know I know your dreams and hopes. I want you to know I see you and love you and have plans for you.

I wish I had time to tell you all the stories RIGHT NOW, but my family missed Mommy and I'm in high demand at the moment. As I “unpack” my full to overflowing heart and brain, I'll share them with you. I think I will start with what a trouble maker I was in the Charlotte airport. : ) Stay tuned!

Love,

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Trying Hard Not to Panic : )

I'm sorry I haven't been a very good blogger these past two weeks. We were so busy playing on vacation, I didn't get an opportunity to blog, and now I'm in a mad dash effort to be ready to get on an airplane Thursday morning for the She Speaks conference.

I've had a few setbacks and curve balls sent my way this week in regard to how prepared I am for the conference. I don't have time to explain it all now, but would appreciate your prayers if you think of me. Please pray for peace, direction, safety, and God's agenda not mine. I had a short lived panic session Sunday, but think I'm back on the trust wagon now. : )

I won't be able to update my blog again before I leave, but I'm hoping for chances to sneak away and blog a little over the weekend while I'm there.

Love you all!

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Preparing for She Speaks

Only 13 days left until I board an airplane and fly across the country to the She Speaks Conference.

On my to-do list, I have so much "in progress" and very little "complete." Visions of book proposals, cover letters, one sheets, title changes, speaking messages, and outfits to buy dance through my head. A ticking clock saying, "Not enough time, not enough time..." Especially when I consider we are leaving for a nine day vacation Sunday morning and will not be home until 2 days before I leave for North Carolina.

But in the midst of it all, the strangest thing: PEACE.

An undercurrent of panic runs through me, but stronger is this unexplainable, rock solid calm that God is in control, that He will prepare me, and that He will meet me there with an unexpected agenda. I sense this trip will be a get-away for Him and me, a time for me to quiet my heart, reconnect, and gain vision, but most of all a time for Jesus to be glorified. I'm not sure if open doors are on His agenda for me, but that doesn't matter compared to what I know He is planning on doing in my heart while I'm there. I can't wait to see the things He wants to teach me, the people He has for me to meet, and the fellowship He's got in store.

A long time ago, God worked on my heart and gave me this message for life: Bless Not Impress.

I'm praying that will be the condition of my heart for this trip, looking for chances to bless sisters, not compete for opportunities.

Lord, please make my heart ready first and foremost. I trust you for the rest. Please protect my family while I'm away and help my baby boy and my girls to not miss Mommy too much while they are with Grandma. I pray for traveling mercies and safety for me. Be glorified through me. I lift all the "to-do" items and pray they will be done without stress, early, and with quality and excellence. Your will be done with my desires for writing, speaking, teaching, and ministry. I'm so very, very, very excited and thankful for the gift of this trip! I can't wait to see what your agenda is for that weekend. In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen

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Decisions, Decisions

I'm still a little in awe of the fact that I'm going to the She Speaks Conference in North Carolina at the end of July. Winning that scholarship was such an amazing gift. It is impossible to explain how much it means to me.

Now, I'm trying to prepare for the conference and that involves many decisions. My family will confirm that I am NOT known for my decisiveness. : )

I want all of this to be an exercise of me trusting God and not being stressed out. Insecurity and nerves creep in, but I just keep remembering how much all of this has been out of my control from the beginning. When I re-read my book, I remember how God gave me every word of it and healed me in such a miraculous way. When I think about the mere fact that I'm even going to this conference, I'm reminded that worrying is silly. I wouldn't be going at all if He hadn't made a way for me to be there.

So, I'm waiting on Him for direction about these things:

First, I need to decide which editors I want to meet with while I'm there. It feels so good to have the book finished, but I have no idea how to go about the publishing process. And even less of an idea of how to narrow down the long list of editors and agents to know which ones God has planned. The conference is so full, it is possible that I will only be able to meet with one while I'm there. I keep asking Him, "Who do you have me flying across the country to meet with?"

I am trusting that I can't get it wrong, but I still need to make that phone call. What do I do? Cast lots? Draw names? Go with a gut feeling?

I'm supposed to choose two and then provide an alternate. I do feel drawn to two names on the list and am beginning to believe I need to just follow that instinct, but I'm torn between two names for my alternate choice.

There are other decisions to make. I was hoping you all might be able to help me with these. I will be participating in a speaker evaluation group while I'm there. On Friday night, I'll share a three-minute testimony in front of peers and then later in the weekend, I'll be doing a five-minute presentation for evaluators who will give me feedback. I need to decide which topic and Scripture I will be speaking about. I've got some fuzzy ideas, but thought I might use one of my devotions as a spring board. If you have time, would you look back over these and see if you have any favorites? I really want this to be a God-led thing and not a performance. He has been teaching me a lot lately, now I need to narrow it down to what He wants me to speak about in July.

Decisions, decisions. Oh joy! I'm so thankful I don't have to rely on my own wisdom for all of this.

As much as this rambling post probably makes you believe the opposite, I really am feeling peaceful about this. The fact that I have to make these decisions at all are reflective of great blessing. Thank you, Lord!

And thank you for your help and prayers!

Love,

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